I cannot stop meditating upon His grace. I cannot express in words how humbling this situation with my youngest daughter has been.
You see, I realize I have been a spoiled brat in my relationship with God. I thanked Him for His blessings and praised Him in the trials. But in my heart of hearts, which the Lord knows and searches,there was always this feeling that I somehow deserved the blessings for being His faithful child. There was always this bit of "why me?" in the trials and losses. The enemy always waiting to whisper in my ear how God had let these things happen to me when I had done everything He had ever asked of me.
I confess I have always been a goody two shoes. Never smoked. Drank very little. Never did drugs. Always went to church, prayed, read my Bible. From a child, I loved God and church. I was supposed to have been born dead, but God spared me, and though my father did not live right at the time, he asked God to spare me and he would give me to Him. That story has always had a profound impact on my entire life.
I cannot tell you now how much I see that my righteousness is indeed as filthy rags. That there are no big sins and no little sins. There is just sin. And the marvelous grace of God.
If I got what I deserved, I would have nothing. Grace: UNMERITED/UNDESERVED favor!
I truly know deep inside now that I deserved death and punishment. His grace gives me life and blessings. Praise Him for his marvelous grace!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Heart Overflowing with Praise
My heart is overflowing with praise today toward our Heavenly Father. I have been in an attitude of praise and worship all day.
My youngest daughter is unmarried and expecting a baby boy July 1st. Her fiance put her through a lot before calling off the engagement. First off, let me say that I recognize the sin in what she did. However, I also forgive her freely and refuse to make an innocent baby suffer any more than he will have to because of this situation. I also recognize that her sin is no blacker or more evil than the ones I find myself having to repent of every day.
Our Father has been reminding me today of this is how He loves us. I sin daily and make so many mistakes, yet He never stops loving me and He never stops blessing me. I am in awe of the profound depth of His love. Once again I rejoice that I do not have to be perfect for Him to love me. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more than He does right now. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me any less than He does right now. His love is constant, perfect, and unconditional. I pray for a heart to love others as He does and for His eyes of compassion and mercy.
Grace is unmerited favor. With this baby, I am learning a lesson in grace in such a powerful way. My daughter has been looking at baby items and furniture that she would love to have for Skyler. She never asks us to buy it for her, but she just shares what she thinks is adorable with me in mother/daughter way of sharing. I look at the prices and just commit it to the Father. Every item she has selected in the exact pattern she has admired has been provided to us through the grace of God!
For example, on a particular Monday she admired a $200 stroller system in Toys R Us. On Wednesday, I was out picking up my medicine, when I felt a whisper to go by the Thrift Store. I obeyed, and there was the exact stroller she had admired in excellent condition for $19.95 When I took it to the register, they informed me it was Sr. Citizen's Day and 55+ get everything in the store for half price! What a blessing!!
The blessings have not stopped there either! The convertible bassinet she admired that was $100 was provided for $30. The lady had only used it to take photos with her real baby baby dolls. That $1000 round crib with a canopy and mattress was provided for $350, and when UPS broke it in transit, they paid the damages for the replacement part, which is now on the way! The $159 high chair that went on sale at Target for $99 plus shipping? No problem for our great God! Here it is for $60, brand new because it is a floor sample! The $99 walker? Here you go for $40!
I was a bit reticent about posting this as I did not want people to think I was glorifying sin. I am not! I am glorifying our Great and Loving and Merciful God! He has provided more abundantly than I could even ask or think in this time of need. Was it deserved? Nope. But that is why it is called Grace!
My youngest daughter is unmarried and expecting a baby boy July 1st. Her fiance put her through a lot before calling off the engagement. First off, let me say that I recognize the sin in what she did. However, I also forgive her freely and refuse to make an innocent baby suffer any more than he will have to because of this situation. I also recognize that her sin is no blacker or more evil than the ones I find myself having to repent of every day.
Our Father has been reminding me today of this is how He loves us. I sin daily and make so many mistakes, yet He never stops loving me and He never stops blessing me. I am in awe of the profound depth of His love. Once again I rejoice that I do not have to be perfect for Him to love me. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more than He does right now. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me any less than He does right now. His love is constant, perfect, and unconditional. I pray for a heart to love others as He does and for His eyes of compassion and mercy.
Grace is unmerited favor. With this baby, I am learning a lesson in grace in such a powerful way. My daughter has been looking at baby items and furniture that she would love to have for Skyler. She never asks us to buy it for her, but she just shares what she thinks is adorable with me in mother/daughter way of sharing. I look at the prices and just commit it to the Father. Every item she has selected in the exact pattern she has admired has been provided to us through the grace of God!
For example, on a particular Monday she admired a $200 stroller system in Toys R Us. On Wednesday, I was out picking up my medicine, when I felt a whisper to go by the Thrift Store. I obeyed, and there was the exact stroller she had admired in excellent condition for $19.95 When I took it to the register, they informed me it was Sr. Citizen's Day and 55+ get everything in the store for half price! What a blessing!!
The blessings have not stopped there either! The convertible bassinet she admired that was $100 was provided for $30. The lady had only used it to take photos with her real baby baby dolls. That $1000 round crib with a canopy and mattress was provided for $350, and when UPS broke it in transit, they paid the damages for the replacement part, which is now on the way! The $159 high chair that went on sale at Target for $99 plus shipping? No problem for our great God! Here it is for $60, brand new because it is a floor sample! The $99 walker? Here you go for $40!
I was a bit reticent about posting this as I did not want people to think I was glorifying sin. I am not! I am glorifying our Great and Loving and Merciful God! He has provided more abundantly than I could even ask or think in this time of need. Was it deserved? Nope. But that is why it is called Grace!
Little over 1/3 of me is gone!
Although it is not as fast as I would like, and I have to keep reminding myself that it took a long time to put this weight on so it will take a while of living a healthy lifestyle change to take it off, I have lost 64 of the 174 pounds I want to lose. I still look and am obese, which is why it is hard to notice the loss.
I have to celebrate the victories as I find them, though. My dresses drag the ground now there is not as much width of me me spreading them out. My seat belt fits with ease and comfort now in my car, and is no longer a fight to get it buckled. I also was able to go down to a Large instead of an Extra Large in a product I use for health reasons!
I have to celebrate the victories as I find them, though. My dresses drag the ground now there is not as much width of me me spreading them out. My seat belt fits with ease and comfort now in my car, and is no longer a fight to get it buckled. I also was able to go down to a Large instead of an Extra Large in a product I use for health reasons!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I am so glad I do not have to be perfect!
Boy! Am I ever! Because then I would have a long, long, long, long....you get the idea...way to go!!
Over Easter, while visiting with Steven, Andrea, and Vivian, I had brought a kit to make an Easter bunny house out of cookies, candies, and icing. I forgot my icing bag and tips, so when Vivi and I went to make it, my lines came out crooked and thick in some places. My darling granddaughter patted my arm and said,"It's ok, Nanny! We do not have to be perfect! Jesus loves us just like we are! This is OUR bunny house! We can make it how we want. Just do our best! It does not have to look just like the picture on the box!"
Then she happily proceeded to decorate the house the way she wanted. Every time I would make an oops, she would laugh and say it was ok! It was our house and we did not have to be all "perfecty perfecty!"
Such wisdom from a 4 year old. I am so glad her mother does not require perfection from her but just requires her best effort. And she judges her best effort by 4 year old standards not adult ones.
We have extended our "buy nothing Christmas" to include birthdays and other occasions. For Andrea's birthday, I decided to give her the gift of a shiny sink. Of course, Vivi had to help! She was so cute with an old toothbrush scrubbing around the edges and scrubbing the faucet. What a joy this little one is as she grows up knowing she does not have to be perfect, that Jesus loves her just as she is, that all she has to do is her best, and it is not money or stuff that brings happiness but time and love!
Over Easter, while visiting with Steven, Andrea, and Vivian, I had brought a kit to make an Easter bunny house out of cookies, candies, and icing. I forgot my icing bag and tips, so when Vivi and I went to make it, my lines came out crooked and thick in some places. My darling granddaughter patted my arm and said,"It's ok, Nanny! We do not have to be perfect! Jesus loves us just like we are! This is OUR bunny house! We can make it how we want. Just do our best! It does not have to look just like the picture on the box!"
Then she happily proceeded to decorate the house the way she wanted. Every time I would make an oops, she would laugh and say it was ok! It was our house and we did not have to be all "perfecty perfecty!"
Such wisdom from a 4 year old. I am so glad her mother does not require perfection from her but just requires her best effort. And she judges her best effort by 4 year old standards not adult ones.
We have extended our "buy nothing Christmas" to include birthdays and other occasions. For Andrea's birthday, I decided to give her the gift of a shiny sink. Of course, Vivi had to help! She was so cute with an old toothbrush scrubbing around the edges and scrubbing the faucet. What a joy this little one is as she grows up knowing she does not have to be perfect, that Jesus loves her just as she is, that all she has to do is her best, and it is not money or stuff that brings happiness but time and love!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Happy Birthday to an American Hero!
Happy 28th Birthday, James Douglas Wilson! Each year on his birthday I light a candle, say a prayer, and wish him lots of love and happiness.
Against tremendous odds, this young man made it to adulthood, joined the Army, served this country in the first tours in Afghanistan, and on 2 tours of Iraq, being injured in Afghanistan and in the last tour of Iraq. He now has a Traumatic Brain Injury from that last injury and fights daily not just to survive but to get the treatment he needs from the government.
I love my country. I just wish we treated our veterans better. A friend of mine who served during Vietnam was so bitter when I told him about my son's enlistment. He said the government would just use him up and throw him away when they were done. Still naive, I believed he was wrong and just old and bitter. Now I have seen it happen not only to my son but to other veterans, I am saddened to my core.
Happy Birthday, son! I love you with all my heart!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
The Day the World Changed Forever
Thirty years ago I became a mother for the first time. I was to make this journey another 5 times; each one special and wonderful except for the one time where my little girl went to heaven instead of into my arms.
Andrea Lynn Wilson was her name and she made her appearance at 6 pounds 14.5 ounces and 19 inches long at Phoebe Putney Memorial Hospital in Albany, Georgia, on a Tuesday, March 27, 1979 at about 1 pm. She was 3 weeks early. She was born with a head full of her signature blonde hair and had the fairest skin. So fair that it was translucent and you could see her veins.
From the day she entered this world, she always had her own unique way of doing things. She rolled over early, pushed herself to standing in your lap, or would wiggle her head between your legs to view her world upside down like a bat.
And my world changed forever on that day. I had joined the ranks of the elite society of mothers! Still not sure I belonged in that society, I struggled along and did the best I could, making many mistakes along the way.
Still and all her birth one of the 8 best things that ever happened in my life! Now she is 30 years old, she is still my pride and joy and one of the 7 loves of my life!
Andrea Lynn Wilson was her name and she made her appearance at 6 pounds 14.5 ounces and 19 inches long at Phoebe Putney Memorial Hospital in Albany, Georgia, on a Tuesday, March 27, 1979 at about 1 pm. She was 3 weeks early. She was born with a head full of her signature blonde hair and had the fairest skin. So fair that it was translucent and you could see her veins.
From the day she entered this world, she always had her own unique way of doing things. She rolled over early, pushed herself to standing in your lap, or would wiggle her head between your legs to view her world upside down like a bat.
And my world changed forever on that day. I had joined the ranks of the elite society of mothers! Still not sure I belonged in that society, I struggled along and did the best I could, making many mistakes along the way.
Still and all her birth one of the 8 best things that ever happened in my life! Now she is 30 years old, she is still my pride and joy and one of the 7 loves of my life!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tooth Extraction Owie!
I find it remarkable that I have had 6 children all through natural childbirth, yet dental work can still turn me into a baby! I had a molar pulled last Monday and it knocked me flat on my keister for a week! It seems out of my several illnesses and diseases, about 3 or 4 make me more prone to tooth abscesses. This time they had to pull the tooth that was abscessed. It has already had a root canal, but there was just no saving the tooth this time.
By the way, Vivian, your mommy's memory is flukey! We did make her brush her teeth! Every night, Poppy would say, "Brush your teeth, and go to bed!" She also had a chart and would get stickers when she brushed her teeth!
By the way, Vivian, your mommy's memory is flukey! We did make her brush her teeth! Every night, Poppy would say, "Brush your teeth, and go to bed!" She also had a chart and would get stickers when she brushed her teeth!
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